Friday, April 20, 2012

Shedding My "Blogging Self-Respect"

I began blogging in order to express myself freely, hoping for feedback and comments on whatever (and I seriously mean anything) I post. I never thought what I posted in my blog could be subject to self-censorship as it is in real life. (Unfortunately, I can't be freely expressive in my everyday life, as reputations last a lifetime and I don't want a random comment to be misinterpreted by an acquaintance as being "batty" or "weird"...) I hate restrictions and I hate having to be politically correct in real life, hence this blog began. Yet I've realised that within a few months of having started this blog, I've made a few followers (thank you if you're reading this!) and now I don't want to lose them by talking too radically... I've formed and changed my opinion on many things since I first started blogging, yet I don't want to let down those that might have expected a 'certain kind' of writing from me.
Strange dichotomous position I find myself in... kinda like an indie musician who's faced with the choice of remaining authentic or selling out i.e. making mainstream music for money and profits... ;)

Image credit
<Looooonnng, pensive think.>

I can't do this. I've decided I can't be unfaithful with the express purpose of setting up this blog. If you dislike what I blog about, you are free to unfollow me and stop reading further. (I'm tempted to write: "The followers be damned!" in the spirit of "The money be damned!", but don't want this to be misunderstood as arrogance. It's not. It means I don't want to live up to anyone's expectations, and that includes followers/readers.)

<Finally feel freeeeeee!>

So here goes, some not-so-interesting-to-anyone-other-than-myself issues I really feel like writing about (longer posts will follow later, when I'm free!):

1) Being a nerd in high school and how I think it was a difficult time, in many ways. Love this essay by Paul Graham, here. There's a good debate (and critique) of the same essay in the comments of this blog post here.
2) Discovering that the guy I had a crush on is a 90%-confirmed a**hole and the only thing he suffers from is a superiority complex and a bloated ego (despite looking like he was a misunderstood loner). Instead of my sympathy, he is far more well-deserving of my cold shoulder, if not outright contempt. Simultaneous heartbreak and heartburn (and anger and fury and wrath and...)...!!! (Better let my temper cool before I write about this one!)
3) I support LGBT rights (and I'm neither lesbian nor bisexual myself so please don't assume that's why). I've been dying to blog about the rights of LGBT people but couldn't come around to writing a post...And why I support them is simply because I've read enough and watched enough movies to realize that love and meaningful relationships are scarce and if people find what they're looking for with someone from the same sex (like they did in Brokeback Mountain, or The Kids Are All Right or Beginners) then it's unfair to keep them apart to conform to 'social expectations' (that really are a set of stupid rules that don't amount to anything in the long run in anyone's life). I know many people in India disagree, and the social stigma remains, but I've decided I'm on the side of the LGBT rights activists.
4) I hate the current crop of politicians in India. I think this country suffers from terrible leadership. Mamta Banerjee is clearly the biggest bane at the moment. Why Time gives prestigious coverage to belligerent ministers like Mamta and Narendra Modi instead of Nitish Kumar baffles me! I don't know what will save us. Looking forward to fleshing out my case on this point SOON!
5) I hate marriage. If I ever get married, it will be for money/security alone. It will be an auction where the highest bidder wins. It can't be for love. Only kids and rich people should believe in love. For me at least, it can't sustain a relationship. Case to be explained soon.
6) I want to write something on the strangeness of my life and the broadness of human experiences. Will care to explain later.
7) Something on my grandparents. Before you go running for the box of tissues...let me clarify that they're about as loving as Sleeping Beauty's Stepmom or the what Evil Queen was to Snow White. So no sympathies. This is going to be one complicated real-life story on family politics and how Old is NOT Gold. Sometimes old people are just cruel, as my grandparents have demonstrated.


  1. you must be feeling a lot free now...can i a ask you one thing ???
    do the first paragraph of your post also explains the reason for hiding your identity???
    are you that afraid ,that people will judge you on what you write and how you feel that you don't want to reveal your self..?
    to be honest , when i started reading your blog, i thought you don't want to reveal it because you want people to judge you purely on your writing skills and not by how you look and what you are..
    since the day i started writing mine i was criticized for writing vulgar and lame but i still continue to write ...

    1. Hi Animesh, yes am definitely feeling more "true to myself"! :)
      And reason for hiding identity is is definitely to a small extent about image - don't want to ruin that! But more than that it is so I don't censor myself. e.g. I would never write those posts about my secret crush or wonder publicly about my singlehood if my blog was in my name and anyone who wants to find out about me could publicly google it...I don't think many people enjoy blogging about these things in public, with their real identities, unless they are making serious money from it!! And yet, if those posts hadn't been written, I wouldn't know that there are many out there who think the same! The only way out of this conundrum is anonymous blogging!

      Regarding criticism - I think we should be free to write whatever we want - the criticism doesn't matter and should hopefully be constructive. But I don't think I'd be able to take it if someone who is merely snooping around in my private affairs (and has no interest in my writing skills or blogging whatsoever) were to use what I post on my blog against me in my everyday life. I guess it depends on what your idea of privacy is. To each his own. :)

  2. Ok ,got it ma'am:)
    just keep writing whatever you feel , because there are many followers glued to your posts who like you completely raw..lolz

    p.s-and that was the longest comment , i ever got..took me ages to read it!!

    1. Haha, will do! I just read the length of my comment and am astounded's larger than some of my (smaller) blog posts! :D ;)

  3. yes Very true ..blogging is all about your own words ....
    keep it up !!great going !!

    1. Thank you Anu! I really, really appreciate the encouragement. :) Btw, if you blog, do leave links, I'd love to read! :)

  4. Point well taken by Y, who too wants to blog freelY and anonymouslY, but not discreetlY :)

    1. Haha, thank you Y, completelY agree - no! - empathise!! :) :D Keep blogging the wonderful way you have been!

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All comments, criticism and feedback are welcome! You can even post as Anonymous if you're really shy. :)

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